As the day draws to an end, the office gets a little rowdier and a little more restless. I decided that it might be an opportune time to start cracking a few jokes and making a few friends (although I’m not sure whether this is a good idea yet).
A young man on my sales team is standing the closest to me and I decide that he may just be my first victim, let’s call him Mulder (as in Fox Mulder from the X-Files circa 1998). Just as I begin to strike up a bit of light conversation, his phone rings and to my delight it is the X-Files theme song…Da da da da daaa daaaaa, da da da da da daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa – BINGO! That’s my cue to comment, something personal but not too personal, perhaps a slight stab but not something that is going to grant me a personal stab back.
Me: “Consider yourself a bit of a Mulder hey?” I say once he hangs the phone up.
My brain instantly registers the tone of that ‘huh’ as:
“I have no idea what you just said because I don’t speak an iota of English. Hopefully, if I pretend I know what you said, you will get bored of this conversation and just walk away, and leave me alone.”
At this stage in the afternoon, I am far to bored to go back to whatever it was that I was doing, so I work with it.
Me: “So, you like men?”
Suddenly the office has gone quiet (just my luck) and everyone has just heard what I have asked the youngest male employee…I got one laugh. One laugh from Cheetos, who obviously had been listening to the whole conversation and had worked out that I am trying to take the piss out of Mulder for not speaking English and pretending to. The rest of the office look away in shame (those that understood what I asked anyway).
So my first attempt at making a friend – fail. First attempt at office humor – major fail.
I think I will just leave my efforts at the door in the morning from now on…definitely not worth it.
Bozo seems to be doing a fine job of maintaining the laughs this afternoon anyway. Cheetos is off to the US tonight and has been asking everyone what they would like him to bring back; “Candy!” “A teddy!” “A yankee cap!!” ….$1 million to the person that can guess what Bozo would like… “TAMPONS!”
Yes ladies and gentlemen, the girl with the empty frames would like Cheetos to being her back an economy box of Costco Tampons because “they are EXCELLENT!”.
AM I THE ONLY ONE IN THIS PLACE THAT THINKS THAT IS THE MOST RIDICULOUS (and DISGUSTING) thing I have ever heard??!!!?!?!
Also, could I please have the criteria that defines whether or not a tampon is “Excellent” or just mediocre?? I must be seriously out of the loop…
On another note, my ‘crush-dar’ is going off and its pointing right at Bozo…and guess who I think she is pointing cupids arrow at? Yep…CHEETOS! Stay tuned…